Mental Health/ “Mastery”

Finally, to feel confident enough to think of stepping back on the hardwood after an extremely adventurous, yet, exhausting 1st year. Journeying to Mexico and Cali 3 times, Detroit once and Las Vegas thrice all for matters of basketball exposure in just under 10 months was no easy feat. Being secluded to my mountain-home in Colorado, healing alongside my life partner has been exactly what I've needed to get my spirits back up.

Not to say that I was depressed... necessarily. I was drained by the ups and downs of trying to break into professional basketball through its rigid underworld and into the main markets. It was going to take work - and I took that work upon myself every day for years, all while working overtime as a landscaper.

Coming from 3 years of semi-professional basketball and plunging into the world of overseas basketball taught me more than what I could ever fit into one singular article. Of all that I was fortunate enough to have been educated on though, in retrospect, learning that mental health and self-care should be two of THE BIGGEST priorities in your basketball playing life changed my view of the entire mission.

As a stereotypical workaholic in true hooper form, coming from a hard working family and watching my dad play professional sports as a kid, it was a foreign concept to fully... take care of my self...

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"Silent phone, Quiet mind."

At least that's what that "inner angel" tells me so that I don't leap down the rabbit hole of e-mails, missed calls and tricky messages throughout the day. Learning to leave my phone alone had only been the beginning of my transformation as a person... who also plays professional basketball.

How did I get to this point ?

Unsigned with open invites & offers from different countries, scouts & peers alike reaching out to me to get me back in between the lines to thrill them once again, but it just hasn't gotten easier to converse with others beyond general greetings since finishing my 1st year of professional basketball.

In 2021, I went from winning MVP on Memorial Day, to being stranded in Mexico at the start of December due to a faulty contract (DUH, I fired that agent) to making the Bakersfield Magic in the TBL in America and then opting to leave - because "who wants to play under a founder with no values, an owner that was a convicted felon and a cover-up commissioner?" - not me. So after starting in and winning in my frist ever TBL game, my fiancé and I came home to end our 1+ year of travels, worked all summer and all systems are a-go to close out Q4.

It is now October 2022 and I am writing to you from the comfort of my foothill home, with the Autumn breeze blowing through my balcony door, having finished a transformative week of my life with secrets and new developments hidden tongue-in-cheek. My fingertips are eager to report that I am cozy in the #slowgrind and 2023 is going to be a SUPER year full with abundance!

Yet, the pressure from the outside questions still remain. "Are you depressed? You're not on the internet anymore, Mel," or, "Why did you stop playing pickup?" Then there's my personal favorite, "Are you still going to play overseas?" Sometimes, the questioning, suggestions and ridicule are enough to make you not pay your phone bill... on purpose.

(P.S. My hoop peers usually ask the last one hoping I'll say "no" so they won't have to worry about being outworked in the long run. Think again, fellas.)

*wink*

Anywho, all are decent questions that come from people that either care for me deeply or want something from me desperately, and, yes, neither make me feel comfortable in my journey. The reason as to why I no longer make myself available for these triggering interactions is simple: Pro hoops has taught me to assess a situation and prioritize the good of myself over the unreasonable expectations set by organizations, the public, family, peers, associates and even myself.

Starting a professional basketball career meant more than just the physical work, the mental toll is undeniable and isn't to be taken lightly! I was overwhelmed after my initial take-off; I was unsure how to balance trying to play for a living with life, my personality, all while learning advanced things about the craft and at times, I've had break/meltdowns so close to self-harm that you can nearly hear demons cackling in the distance.

Needless to say, keeping myself together amidst being open to such scrutiny and complex energy became nearly impossible. The negativity comes from all kinds of places and can be very hard to manage - it's important to set boundaries even as you grow into who you wish to be. I finally got several opportunities to play overseas, built a name to build more with, got into the FIBA market and the phone was too active. It was time this little robot monster of info and opinion went on DND indefinitely so I can focus on the world I'm creating. It's time to block out the noise if I want to continue playing, likes & comments NEVER impressed me or meant much to my pursuits, especially in basketball.

I love my craft too much to "pimp it" for lack of a better term. Viral basketball is so drab. It's the dawn of the digital age, likes are an everyday occurrence. "Thank you, next," much?

Nah. No clout needed for this trip.

I. ONLY. FOCUS. ON. WINNING.

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But am I in a mental funk or am I in MY zone?!

*sigh*

A combination of both, actually. Since returning from Mexico for the 1st of 3 times, I fell somwhere between 100% locked in and, "what the f*** is wrong with everybody else?"

It was culture shock, it was new languages, a different lifestyle coupled with creative playstyles and a whole new level of basketball that I had only dreamt to be part of in lifetimes prior.

This is to say, watching hoops during my short hiatus from action was not only a reluctant experience, but it was a painful one.

Why? Well, playing in a different country for merely one of the days that I have thus far was enough for me to decide exactly why being back in the US felt more exhausting than it was refreshing. At the same time, everything about being in a different country on the terms of basketball was purely dreamlike. America reminded me how easy it is for us to taint such a beautiful craft with our poor practices.

Despite having all of the supposed controversies revolving around my "unconventional" professional athletic career... I've still only begun playing overseas and haven't even hit my physical prime! So, no, although I took a mental health break, deleted my socials, and rarely have long, drawn-out phone convos, I've only just begun, buddy. YOU can give up on your purposes in life if you wish, NOT I.

My distaste for the American culture surrounding basketball grew to an absolute, all-time high this year. I mean, my dream was always to travel the globe to embody the beauty of basketball, and after what I've seen this year, I know I'm making the right decision by aiming to build a successful FIBA career.

Somehow - between a well needed break from the court & this newly developed disgust for the American game along with the culture surrounding it - mentally, I've seemed to breakthrough at just the right time. Not only do I well understand how to master my game on the floor better than ever now... but the world itself has become a game to me. A game to be studied, played... and then conquered.

Yeah, that's right! Beyond the criticism, the stares in public, the infatuation, further than the money, the greedy agents/CFO's/organizations, insecurity, social standards and loneliness...

Hell, beyond the racism and turbulence I've experienced living at my Broomfield home this previous year, rests my purpose! And I am set to complete that mission regardless of all visual obstacles, ya dig?

That mission is to master oneself and be at peace with all else. The pressure is off so break through your matrix and go your own way! Life is a game of runs, and if you stay disciplined and play your possessions right, your best run of the game will be the defining one. So, keep ballin', baby.

The better of your journey awaits!